對阿儀的永遠思念

今年七月,我在西湖賞荷,回來後我曾經這樣記述當時所見﹕

( 見前文﹕我們的後花園 )

這幾天荷花可忙呢!有剛冒出來的花蕾,有少年的「鬱金香」,還有正當盛年的、也有開始凋謝的,然後是裸露的蓮蓬,和燒焦似的荷葉。站在這荷花海洋面前,我見證了生老病死的一個又一個的循環。

 

 

 

 

 

我年少不再,不再有激情。

原因是我們不但是旁觀者,我與我所愛的人更在其中扮演了小小的角色。

我當時想起的那位「我所愛的人」,其實是我六妹阿儀。

上一個網誌所指的 my bravest girl 也是她。當時她正在醫院搏鬥。

終于,她輸了這一局。

我們有一段時間不能見到她了。

大概她已跑到那不知有多遠的地方,繼續去找那走丟了的「馬」。

上次的荷花網誌裏我繼續寫道﹕

這時耳邊響起的,是馬勒(Mahler)「大地之歌」的最後一段﹕

我該寄身何處?想是浪跡在這群山之中,
尋找我寂寞心靈的安歇之處……
我將不再茫然地去追尋
我所追尋的依然常在心頭,只是靜待時刻的到來
我所鍾愛的大地,終將處處繁華似錦
沐浴在春天的青翠氣息之中
無論何處、直到永遠
閃耀著藍色的光芒
永遠,永遠……

Ewig … Ewig …

(譯文借用朱和之在網上發表的文章,見﹕http://life.fhl.net/phpBB21/viewtopic.php?t=3805

這是道家的智慧!偉大的馬勒是猶太人,在天主教的奧匈帝國終生鬱鬱不得志,晚年看了一本唐詩的譯集,才在我們的道家情懷裏找到一點點的慰藉,可見天地一心

自杭州回來以後,我幾乎每天都要聽一次「大地之歌」,有時候更連續多遍重復的聽。

關於這首作品還有一個很感人的故事,我是在一張 CD 片的說明文字裏看到的,以下全文照錄﹕

 

As contralto soloist there is Kathleen Ferrier, the British singer whose career did not really begin until 1943 when she was thirty-one and lasted only ten glorious years until her death in 1953 from cancer.  [Conductor Bruno] Walter passionately admired her singing.  She first sang The song of the Earth with Walter at the first Edinburgh Festival in 1947.  She was in tears towards the end and omitted the final “ewig”.  When she apologized to Walter for such unprofessional conduct, he made the magnificent reply: “My dear Miss Ferrier, if we were all such artists as you, we would all have been in tears.”

Ferrier’s singing of Mahler was entirely intuitive.  She had a natural sympathy with his idiom, an idiom she had to discover for herself, for there were few Mahler performances during her training days.  It is scarcely possible to listen to this recorded performance [i.e. the 1952 performance with Vienna Philharmonic released on Decca] without taking into account the personal circumstances of the artists concerned — Walter, the composer’s friend, and Ferrier, who knew while she was making the recording that it was her own Abschied [Farewell, the last movement] that she would see the lovely earth grow green again only once more.  Like Mahler she answered the challenge of a death sentence by reaching the pinnacle of her art.

 

作為一個普通人家的普通女子,我認為我六妹在這一段路程也走到了頂峰。我太太說她看到阿儀在彌留之際嘴唇很有韻律的在動,她直覺妹妹正在唱歌。我至今還在想﹕她究竟在唱Abschied 還是Ballad of the Runaway Horse呢?

 

阿儀,哥哥在聽著呢。你繼續唱吧,直到

永遠,永遠……

Ewig … Ewig …

 

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